A Joyful Journey...

Join Doris Smeltzer, critically acclaimed author/educator, as she muses on topics from eating disorders to the mysteries of life. Often "Featured" are select, astute observations made by Andrea during her all too brief 19-year life…it is she who taught us: the joy IS in the journey!

"Hate Loss"

Yesterday I searched through the stack of recently returned long-ago letters written by me to one of my sisters.

It was to check for the location of a camping trip we took when our daughters were young. We’ve been thinking of re-creating this fun time with our grandchildren but cannot recall where we’d pitched our tents—it was a little slice of heaven. Sadly, the years in which this adventure took place were missing from this haphazard collection of memories.

What I did find was a letter expressing how much better my marriage had become after our rocky first year. In the words of my 25-year-old self:

Tom and I have been getting along really well lately. He’s been a great help to me and a real good friend, too. It’s hard for me to believe how close we’ve grown in the last few years, considering how difficult our first year together was. We’ve both grown a lot and learned from each other and feel really good with each other.

To what did I attribute this positive change? Again…in my own words:

I feel a lot of how good Tom feels about me comes from my feeling so much better about myself—since I’ve lost weight and have started working on being healthy and in shape I really feel much better about me as a person, so I allow Tom to feel better about me as a person!

Yup…that’s how I thought at age 25 (a year before giving birth to Andrea). Reading this version of myself from over 30 years ago saddened my heart considerably. I knew I’d bought into the cultural body hatred but having the evidence in writing was … well, just so very sad.

In an Every day feminism blog article by Virgie Tovar she speaks about our need to “lose hate, not weight.”  She describes this choice succinctly:

My life began when I stopped trying to lose weight and set my mind to losing hate.

I choose hate loss, not weight loss for everyone who has lost and will lose their lives or health to weight loss surgery.

I choose hate loss, not weight loss in the name of protesting a multi-billion dollar dieting industry that peddles shame in exchange for cash.

I choose hate loss, not weight loss to destabilize a racist, sexist, and fatphobic health system that values certain bodies over others.

I choose hate loss, not weight loss because no act of self-love will ever be a wasted effort.

Because I only get one body, and it’s miraculous, and it’s beautiful, and I will fight for it, not against it.

I choose hate loss, not weight loss for the person I used to be, for the skipped meals and the lost years, and for every little fat brown girl who cries and wishes she was someone else.

Today, I’m with Virgie: I choose hate loss, not weight loss.

[Originally posted on the Gürze Books Eating Disorders Blogs]

Healing metaphors gathered at the beach
Unique Summer gifts

Related Posts

 

Invest in ending eating disorders:

Shop via AmazonSmile or:

Givva
Use Giving Assistant to save money and support Andreas Voice Foundation

Automatically support Andreas Voice Foundation by shopping at Office Depot, Old Navy, and Target.

The book, "Andrea's Voice...

Silenced by Bulimia

 

Silenced by Bulimia (Gürze, 2006). read more...

Gratitude for support from:

mechnaics bank logo

Tag Cloud

eating disorders, body image healing, personal change weight loss self-compassion, Italy bulimia self-love Mothers Day Austria self-hatred challenges lessons learned Renfrew Perspectives bride & groom extended family, mental illness memories killer stress, anorexia fat people, First Lady independence Sequoia National Forest Taryn Brumfitt ritual breaking down walls dancing at bus stop Chimamanda Adichie Lets Move! Independence Day Silver Creek Falls Bailey Webber New Year self-care, Florence Resolutions binge Nigerian Health At Every Size®, weight intersectionality preferred gender pronouns Julie Wyman 4-wheel drive mindfulness, Michelangelo Eating Disorders Awareness Month high school reunion fat friendly doctors, weight stigma queer body love body positive Lindsey Averill self-acceptance Italians love only you can be you American Medical Assn., judgments nature / nurture, wi-fi Health At Every Size® baby steps shattered body Internet meme white privilege Weight Stigma Awareness Week health and fitness, Mrs. Obama competent eating cellulite Rumi, beauty vulnerability, magical thinking #Nuerofeedback4EDs body hatred crash diets, Passover Intuitive Eating models Cutting, Kenya public ownership, health grief spain Easter Body of Truth workplace wellness International No Diet Day Africa body acceptance, social media Alzheimers self-forgiveness privacy, Spring self-loathing Labor Day NEDAW recovery wedding dysfunctional family, fat talk bittersweet metaphors, fat acceptance, black & white thinking shame, non-binary gender healing metaphors, Andreas Voice,

Andrea's Voice...

Silenced by Bulimia

 

Silenced by Bulimia (Gürze, 2006). read more...

Invest in ending eating disorders:

Shop via AmazonSmile or: