December. How is it that 2014 is nearly over? Our perception of "time passing" seems to speed with aging. I can recall how, before entering the double-digit years, a month felt so very looong. And December? Interminable.
I am experiencing this month differently though. I am taking time to notice the changes around me: the yellow and brown leaves on the ground, the chill in the air, the heavy coats of wool on the sheep we see on our morning walks. Being present to each moment (or as many of them as I can) is slowing things down in a pleasant way.
And suddenly, I realize the truth in the words Andrea wrote once she got away from her less-than-nurturing family in Spain:
So far this has been one hell of a year! So many things happened that seem worlds away. I’ve changed a lot but at the same time I haven’t changed so much. I just broke down a wall and the person and things I wanted to be were always there.
All the changes I see around me live within each "being" until their expression is triggered--unless it dies, the tree will grow new leaves come spring. Like Andrea, "I've changed a lot" while simultaneously not "so much." And to access the changes I still desire, requires only "breaking down [an internal] wall." Who I want to be resides within me, always. And walking slowly through this final month of the year is breaking down one of MY walls.
Quote from the book, Andrea's Voice, Silenced by Bulimia (Gürze Books, 2006)