a plethora of "ands"

It is not necessarily either/or
Can't I be a mess and still be wonderful?
Eat and still be beautiful?
Cry and still be strong?
It seems to depend on whose eyes I am reflected in

My eyes.
How am I reflected in my eyes?
two thin lines on my wrist
a reminder of the danger in self perception

A new life
I do not look in the mirror
I do not look at the scale
I do not look for my reflection in other's eyes
I look at those two thin lines
and I wrap myself in my arms
and hold onto this gift to the world
A gift that is mine to give but not my right to destroy

Easing back into the current
a surprising fear of being swept away
This time I hold on to the shore
until I can move deliberately,
with Thought and Purpose
slow down to a crawl

I no longer hurtle into life
without brakes or cares or bumpers
I move with slow caution
like a blind grandmother
drawing her version of the world close
not to get lost in someone else's maze
tapping her path.

Deep Breath
dig ten toes into the sucking, receding sand
current flows
take my own steps
contain myself as my own separate current
not to be swept Away

I can eat, I can laugh, I can dance
I can cry, and play, and Love
I can Live
without condemnation, without reprimand
without regret
The Incredible Dichotomy of Being

It is no longer either/or
I am a plethora of ands

Andrea Smeltzer, 19
© Andrea Smeltzer, 1998. All Rights reserved